i am his secret

yes, i am his secret...if he has lots of them, i have no idea..

but one thing i am sure of is that i am his one BIG secret..

why do i say this?

.....because none of his friends know about our "untagged" relationship..

.....because when his friends ask who i am he tells them I am a colleague from work..

.....because when he is with his friends i cannot send him messages, lest they ask who the hell he is chatting with..

and why do i think he does this?

.....because he just recently came from a failed relationship..

.....because in his culture it would be very hard to explain why he would fall for someone who also came from a failed relationship, and with two kids to boot..

.....because eyebrows will be raised if his friends find out that he is seeing someone outside of their circle, outside of their culture

and how do i feel about this?

.....i feel really bad, and really low...because it makes me feel like i am not worthy to be introduced to his friends..

.....it scares the hell out of me because i know that when the time comes, he would choose his friends over me..

.....its breaking my heart because right now i cannot see a future with him, because i will always be an "outsider"

.....this was the very first picture he sent me, and i guess i am holding on to this, that is why in spite of all my fears, i continue to care for him, love him....

.....because who knows, maybe he would love me enough to make me a part of his life, his circle, his culture...

.....and if i don't stick around i would never find out right?

.....so for now i will enjoy every bit of us, every moment spent together, even if for now i remain as his one big secret...