missing you.....

Dear Jaan,

You said we shouldn’t talk for now.

I know we are undergoing a hurdle in our relationship ..i badly want to tell you that we should just let things stay as they are, but I know that will not help at all..sooner or later I know I would have to settle things on my side, before we can even look into a future for us..

Aside from that stormy day a few months back, today was the only time that I remember not communicating with you at all. And it felt so different, so hollow…like a big part of me is missing..

I wish tomorrow would bring more smiles to both of us. And I hope the following days would even be better..

I miss you..you have no idea how many times I started to compose a message to send you, but something prevented me from clicking that send button.. because maybe you are right.. maybe we really shouldn’t talk right now..maybe we should just let things work themselves out..

I just pray that things sort themselves out pretty soon..i can ignore the distance between us..but those hours that passed without any communication between us are sheer torture..

i am wishing you were here..what I would do to have you near me right now, right this very moment..but I know that if its meant to be, then we would be together again soon..

if there’s one thing I would like to ask from you right now, it is that you keep loving me..because I know I will be loving you until that time that things fall into place and we are together again..

Mei tumse pyar karti hun meri jaan…..

we finally meet....

Its been more than a week...

I have tried countless times to put in writing the feelings we’ve had for that weekend, but somehow I couldn’t find words that would give justice.

But I know that I have to put them down, as I feel those emotions slowly starting to fade, no matter how I avoid it.. I guess its simply natural for feelings to dissipate, like gas on that chemistry lab..

So pardon me if I may not be able to make you visualize what actually transpired during that fantabulous weekend. Just take my word, that weekend was awesome, out of this world, unbelievable, unfathomable, indescribable…the only thing that can rival it is when something so impossible becomes suddenly plausible, like me winning a million dollar in lottery…just kidding, I think even money won't be able to buy emotions that high on those hours…

Anyway, here goes, the story of me and my Jaan’s first ever meeting, date, sunset, dive, One Happy Island vacation..

Friday…

4pm, that’s supposedly the time that his plane lands. Having arrived just the day before from my own country, my things were still in the suitcase. And the fact that I spent last night visiting friends instead of unpacking didn’t help neither. So at 320 I was still rummaging thru my suitcase, looking for things to bring, making sure that I get the clothes that will make a wham bam impression on my Jaan. And of course, the swimsuits. They have to be as flattering but not too sexy, has to leave something to his imagination, so to speak.

345, one big bag pack, camera bag on my shoulder, hair wet from shower sticking to my neck, a little sweat mixing in, the heat here is really that intense. I went to the street and prayed for a taxi, because my shoulders were screaming from the weight of my bags. Add to that the annoying fact that my aviators wouldn’t stay put, probably because of that moisturizer I applied on my face which is now looking like I put on oil. Damn, not exactly a good impression. I am hoping that they would take a long time to disembark, just give me enough time to go to the airport restroom and freshen up a bit.

Less that 2 minutes after and yey! A cab! To the airport! I put the AC vents directly to my face, hoping to cool down a bit. At the same time praying the driver understands what I meant that my friend’s plane arrives at 4pm, not 415, not 430.

Hallelujah, we made it to airport exactly on the landing time. And whats more, the flight was getting in a little bit later than anticipated, it was gonna land at 420. So that gives me ample time to freshen up.

And freshen up I did. Went to the bathroom, washed my face, put on powder and cologne. Oh and used mouthwash, lets not forget that.

Out I went again to the arrival section. It was only 410. So I sat down. Then I stood up. The I walked around a bit, keeping a close watch on my belongings.

415. another trip to the bathroom. Just had to make sure I look and smell okay.

420. back to the arrival section. Board says flight has landed. Damn, butterflies started flying. I had to walk around. What would I say? What should I do? Should I run? Should I call out his name? should I walk coolly to him and say “hey, its you..”

More importantly, would he recognize me? Or would I recognize him? And even scarier, how would his face react when he finally sees me? Would it show disappointment? Or happiness? Oh lord, I think the butterflies are making me want to go to the restroom again. Not now, please.

People started coming out now. Those with signs moved closer to the doors, while I stood back. Red shirt, green cargo pants, that’s what I am looking for. So I wait.. and wait. And wait. Til there was nobody coming out anymore.

What the FFFFFF? Did he miss the flight? Was I looking at the wrong flight? Is his flight the one that arrives later at night? Damn!

I sat down, and think. No, im pretty sure I have the correct flight. Maybe something just went wrong with his luggage or something. Or maybe it was just the business class that went out. Maybe the other passengers didn’t come out yet.

And suddenly, MORE passengers are coming out. I stood up again. More passengers now compared to that first batch. Whoa, these Americans are tall, I am straining my neck, trying to see behind them.

And then I SAW HIM.

Red shirt, glasses pushed up on his head. Back pack on, pulling on a little suitcase. And the cargo pants. The stubbles on the cheeks, that smile. Those eyes. Its him. Its my Jaan.

I ran. I’m pretty sure I ran, while looking at the floor in front of me, making sure I don’t trip and make a fool of myself on our first meeting.

I was looking down he said, when he first saw me. But I was into this little jog..

I ran. And threw myself at him. And I felt his hug, tight. And I wrapped my arms around his neck, and buried my face in his neck.

And I said “Oh my god, its you, you came!”

On that first hug, on that first contact of his stubbles on my cheek, on that first kiss he planted on my hair, I knew that I LOVE HIM. And I am happiest. Because he took the effort to come to me.

Whoa, this isn’t just those online romance thing, I thought, this is SOMETHING….

Giddy. That’s how I felt. Like I was really floating.

A.W.E.S.O.M.E.

Never felt this happy before.

We took our bags, he looked sheepish seeing I just had one big bag pack wherein he has a back pack, a small suitcase and a small 3rd bag. Pretty good packer, he described me. If only he could see how I smashed things inside just to make them fit.

In to the cab. We held hands. His hands felt smooth for a man. We keep looking at each other, saying over and over “this is actually happening, we really are together.” And me telling him “I can’t believe you are actually here.”

I leaned my head on a shoulder, briefly, just enough for me to smell his cologne. Oh how I want to forever keep that smell in my head!

But its his first time here in One Happy island, so I have to play my part as a gracious host and point to him the sights. So I pointed to him beautiful things that he should see, surprised to hear him say that the place actually looks a lot like his hometown.

And then there was Taco Bell. My Jaan, not fed during his four hour flight, is now famished. So we asked the cab driver to pass by drive thru and we order food. Tacos for me, and burrito for him, veggie of course. Plus cokes.

Then we drive some more. I pointed to him the beach and the divi trees and the hotels. He was taking everything in.

We reach the hotel. And checked in. he was again surprised at how the front desk people take their time in assisting the guests. He says its like nobody is in a rush. I told him, you are on vacation, so whats the need for rush. Relax. Chill. That’s what we always do here in the island.

Finally checked in, we rode to the elevator. We held hands as we rode up. My butterflies are back again. Anticipation. Excitement. Everything mixed in.

Bell boy enters the room, puts our bag in the closet, closes the door. Jaan moves and double locks the door. I sat shyly on the edge of the bed, looking down at my feet. He stands in front of me, hands on his waist, a sly smile on his face. I look up and say “I still can’t believe you’re here.”

And suddenly I was in his arms, his hands around my waist, my arms around his neck. Then we kiss.

First kiss. Slow. Soft. Shy. Sweet. Just as I imagined…

We part a little. Look into each others eyes and say “I love you,” at the same time which breaks us into a tiny laugh.

Then lips meet again. Hungrier this time. Suddenly he was on top of me. Hands moved. Explored. Lips and tongue do their dance. Everything was just awesome.

And those movies that we wrote over the internet? We played them out, hell yes we did. I wanted to sketch everything, every single touch, into my memory….

After awhile I stood up from the bed and walked to the balcony. We have the ocean view room, am I lucky or what? I pulled the curtain to the side and told him “look, its your first Aruban sunset.”

I stood there, basking in that wonderful breeze coming in from the ocean. Taking in all the colors that play out in the sky. And I turn around and see him with his camera, taking my picture, while I was wrapped in that towel, hair still wet. “you look awesome,” he said. I could die right there.

We took the forgotten taco bell food to the balcony and ate while watching the sun dip further into the horizon. Not talking much, just letting the feeling of togetherness sink in.

After eating I sit on his lap, sideways, and let my fingers play on his chest (MY chest), and run my palm on his cheeks, tickled by his stubbles. I specifically requested that he don’t shave before we meet, I want those stubbles I said. And he complied. Plus 1,000 points for you Jaan.

We stayed there for a bit of a time, him gazing in amazement at the number of stars you can actually see. You see where he lives, stars are not that visible because of all the skyscrapers and stuff. He star gazed, while I Jaan-gazed, still in awe at the fact that he is here. We are actually together!!

Whoa, I am still in wonderland at this time.

We took our precious time just appreciating the sky sight, and that feeling of togetherness…there was another sweet point during which he surprised me with a very cute bag, and bangles! Yey, bangles!!! He knew I loved those bangles from his country, and he took the time to actually buy me 3 sets! Plus bazillion points for you Jaan.

We showed our love some more, each one seemingly better than the first…savored every kiss, every sigh, every touch. Every shiver….i never wanted those moments to end…

But stomachs called angrily again. Then we realized it was almost 10, and restaurants would soon be closing. So we hurriedly dressed and headed out for dinner. We decided on an Indian restaurant so he could teach me about their food. I had my first taste of mango lassi. And man, this will not be my last. It was so good!!

He also showed me how to eat curry using their flatbread as silverwares. We were full when we left the restaurant.

We walked around a bit, I showed him the bars and a few party places. We headed towards our hotel and on to the beach where he showed me this incredible phone app that identifies stars or constellations or whatever is in the sky. And it also points out the location of planets. Simply amazing.

But whats more amazing are the hugs and kisses we shared as we stood on that moonlit beach. Another movie played out. Incredible.

We walked around the hotel lobby a bit, then finally rode the elevator to our room.

And after a satisfying show of love, we moved into our sleeping positions, we spooned as we would say, him hugging me from the back. And fell asleep. Im pretty sure we both drifted off to sleep with smiles on our faces…..

to be continued....